Friday, May 2, 2008

If you're going to San Francisco, put your train ticket in a safe place before you get drunk!






http://www.youtube.com/watch

I attended the 2008 Burning Man Open House on Saturday, April 12th, and it was simultaneously the best and worst day I've had in a while! I managed to get about four hours of sleep the night before, and after a shower and a breakfast of coffee with a shot of Bushmill's and a bongload, I headed to the downtown Sacramento Amtrak station, having had no luck procuring a ride from both the Craigslist rideshare and here on Tribe. Arriving at the train station I realized I'd neglected to bring any I.D. with me, and so my friend who'd given me a lift had to purchase my ticket for me. After 9-11 it became mandatory to show a valid I.D. when purchasing a train or bus ticket, another useless and utterly ridiculous law that does nothing but inconvenience people and in no way makes anything any safer. You see, they don't check your I.D. when they take your ticket on the train! If they did they would have realized I was not Laura Johnson like it said on the ticket since I am quite obviously a male. Waiting for the train to arrive, I noticed a girl (quite obviously female!) on a bike also waiting for the train and as she was kind of a hippie chick I figured she was headed to the same place I was. I was hoping for a traveling companion but sadly it was not to be, she was only going to Richmond, as I learned when I helped her remove her bike from the rack in back of the train. The train ride itself was beautiful and scenic as always, there's so much you don't get to see from the freeway. The wetlands outside Davis, and the foothills with their fragrant little Eucalyptus groves, and then that spectacular view of the water! In Berkely alongside the train tracks there's a veritable art gallery on the backs of brick walls and wooden fences. I even spotted the work of one our own (Klone, I know you can do better than that!) a couple of my favorites were two seperate portraits of John Lennon, a huge psychedelically painted peace sign, and a large detailed banner that simply said "Vote!" As always, I was a little saddened and disheartened to see how fast the farmland in central California is disappearing, and the number of "Hobo Camps" and small tent villages is increasing. I got off the train in Emeryville and boarded the Amtrak shuttle bus to cross the Bay Bridge into Frisco. I felt a familiar sense of homecoming, my love affair with the city of San Franciso goes back way before I was even born. The bus lets you off at the Ferry Plaza Farmer's Market, where EVERYTHING is ORGANIC, and since I'd neglected to bring anything to share at the potluck and I had plenty of time, I walked around the market for a bit, eventually deciding on an ORGANIC mixed berry pie for the potluck ($20?!) and an ORGANIC orange scone ($2.50!?) for me. It was a gorgeous day, weather wise, and after asking directions from a rickshaw driver I headed off down the Embarcadero in the direction of 3rd Street. I stopped briefly to gaze longingly and not a little painfully at the thirty-two foot cruiser sailboats docked at the South Beach Yacht Club, and admired the work of a street artist, and as I was passing AT&T Field, I was hit up for a donation to the local food bank. I gave him five bucks and received a San Francisco Giants mug, which was pretty cool since I'd also neglected to bring my own cup. I'd been told by the rickshaw driver that I only had a mile or so to go, but by my estimate it was closer to two or more. By the time I at last arrived at 1900 3rd Street I was sweating profusely, I had no idea it was going to be the nicest day of the year and I was dressed in all black. I had a quick smoke out front while I tried to cool down, then for what I hope was the first of many times, I stepped through the doors of Burning Man headquarters. I was greeted warmly at the door, and directed to take my incredibly expensive pie to the BBQ area out back. I did so, wandering through the office checking stuff out as I went. In the back they had a decent spread laid out but I only had eyes for the most beautiful sight in the world, an ice-cold keg of really good ale! It was just what I needed! I placed the pie on the food table where it would be consumed in just a matter of minutes, and set about breaking in my new Giants mug. The first person I recognized was none other than Danger Ranger himself, having a burger and a Bud Light, just chillin! After three cold and thoroughly refreshing cups full of that sweet nectar of the gods, I felt like a new man. I topped off my cup and went upstairs to look around, checking out the art that's on every wall and a cool Burners Without Borders display where I signed up for their email list and scored an awesome BWB sticker! Then I babysat the keg some more, joking around with the other serious beer aficionados before going into the warehouse to hear about BWB, and then Lawyers for Burners. After that it was time for another beer, and to submit questions for the man to the most beautiful mouse I've ever seen. I found the DPW table and talked to Logan about working with them this year, really my main reason for making the trip. Later on, I used the facilities and had to resist the urge to steal a poster off the wall of the men's room. Then it was time for "Ask the Man" where I learned some interesting things about this year's burn. Like there being more JOTS along the exodus route, and the fact that this year all theme camps must arrive by Sunday. Afterwards I donated an old pair of jeans to the Earth Guardians and was gifted a nice moop bag, then to my dismay I discovered the keg had mysteriously dried up! Since I'd single-handedly put a sizable dent in it I donated twenty dollars for a beer run, and taking a seat in the shade I fell into a conversation with a couple of Burners, Rod and James, who have been with Black Rock Roller Disco for many years but this year have decided to branch out, and we talked about the burn, our experiences, the meth epidemic, and the spirit of San Francisco, among other things. By this time most everyone had gone home, so I bid my new friends a fond farewell and took my leave. Everyone I'd talked to had been warm and friendly and I had a really great time! Very cool! I rode the light rail most of the way back, feeling a little too tipsy for another long walk, getting off a few stops early so I could purchase a couple of small pieces from the street artist I mentioned before. While digging in my backpack earlier I'd realized I had misplaced my return ticket, so I did what we used to do when we were kids and wanted to get drunk, I went looking for a homeless person with a valid I.D. The first two people I approached, a man and a woman, respectively, were in the same boat as me with no I.D. I gave them each five dollars anyway, and the third time was the charm. An older gentleman agreed to purchase my ticket, and I gave him thirty dollars, the ten bucks change from the ticket and another twenty. He seemed to appreciate it, and I definitely appreciated the ticket. My passage home secured, I walked out to the end of the pier and dug on the water and the view of the bay bridge until the sun was beginning to set then I boarded the Amtrak bus that would take me back to Emeryville and hopped on the train home, this time as Alexander Andersen, senior citizen. The ride home was uneventful, and at the station I called my brother for a ride and he agreed to come and get me with almost no persuasion, unusual for him. I found out why once I got in the car. I was kidnapped, forced to accompany them to Wally World at midnight to get supplies for of all things a baby shower (my sister in law is about to spew forth a human being from her loins!) which I was horrified to learn I would not only be attending but catering! (My dear brother very conveniently had to work!) I slept on their couch that night and the next day I spent several hours manning an incredibly old gas grill which refused to cooperate, the only thing that kept me sane was the frosty Heineken's which greatly improved my culinary expertise. I was finally taken home at around ten last night and was informed that my old car had taken a shit in my absence and it would cost more to fix than I paid for the damn thing! If you are still reading this, thank you and perhaps you should find yourself a hobby!
~Fin

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