lol, omfg, lmfao, rofl, brb, idk, etc...
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What the fuck? What have we all become? Evolved, some might say, but they sure as shit better not say it to me or I'll knock their fucking teeth out so they have a reason to sound so fucking stupid. Every time you use one of the moronic abbreviations above or any of the countless others, you contribute to the seemingly endless dumbing down of America, and put yet another nail in the coffin of the English language. And it's not just the sheeple, it's educated and sophisticated people as well, because this sickness has spread faster than the latest H1N1 outbreak. I'm not the first asshole to complain about it either, there are hordes of Grammar Nazis out there who are far more militant than I.
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In fact, this rant was inspired by an episode of the Showtime series Californication entitled LOL, and I couldn't help but wonder; how many of the cast and crew of that show use that three letter abomination on a daily basis? How many of you reading this are just as bad? How many of you actually laugh out loud every time you hit those three keys? Is it really that much of pain in the ass to actually type in "Be right back?" That took me less than three seconds, and while not everyone can type as fast as me, most fifteen year old girls can send a text to their best friend forever telling her that Brandon TOTALLY smiled at her in the hall at school today he is soooo cute, and by the way, your hair looked really good today, in that amount of time. What's the big rush girls? Slow down you have your entire lives to talk about meaningless bullshit!
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I know what you're thinking, and the answer is yes, I too am guilty of this most heinous of literary sins, at least to a small degree. I will occasionally use "OK" or I might say "Back in a sec" instead of "Please pardon me briefly, I shall return momentarily." But I NEVER sink to the level of bastardization that has become commonplace on the screens of nearly every cell phone and computer screen in the country. It's gotten so bad that I've heard "lol" and even "rofl" in actual face to face conversations. I somehow managed to avoid puking my guts out, but only by the narrowest of margins.
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It was bad enough when two people with less than nothing to say to each other would pollute the air with the sounds of their instantly forgettable chit chat, but now we don't even care enough to make actual words come out of our throat holes. Just as long as some sort of sound is produced to fill the silence. We might just as well be two radios tuned to different stations, facing each other and blaring away loudly, that would accomplish the same amount of communication as two people with no interest in really conversing making small talk.
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I still know what you're thinking, and once again the answer is yes. I have had more than my fair share of those riveting and deeply fascinating conversations about the weather, a sport I know and care nothing about, or the price of beans in Boston. But for many years now, I have only kept up the charade when to do otherwise by telling them to fuck off would hurt the feelings of someone I care about. If a random stranger, on a bus or train say, tries to engage me in a pointless, "I'm afraid of silence!" conversation I immediately begin asking personal questions, revealing the most intimate details about myself, and delving as deep as I can into whatever aspect of their life I believe will offend them the most. I have fun with them until they either loosen up and we start to REALLY talk, or they leave me the fuck alone and go about their business, leaving me to go about mine.
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