Tales of a Drunken Degenerate, part ten, Roadhouse Blues
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwfmfMBLZiM
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In a scene straight out of a bad Hollywood movie, the music abruptly cuts off, and there are several agonizing seconds of complete silence. Then all hell breaks loose.
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"You're fucking DEAD!" screams the huge biker, as he's wiping off his face with a bar napkin. Several of his equally large and frightening biker buddies gather around to back him up. Even on your best day, you wouldn't stand a chance of beating them in a fight, and this is far from your best day. In your current condition you'd be lucky to survive the first crushing blow from his ham sized fist.
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You better try to talk your way out of this, and right now. Come on man, time to be charming. An angry mob is slowly making it's way up the stairs with every intention of stomping your guts out. "Hey, hold on just a second!" you say, holding up your arms, and to your immense relief, they hesitate. You grab your beer off the table and drain the glass. Here we go.
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"Listen guys, I've had an unbelievably shitty week. I'm not looking for trouble here, I just needed some beer and a bite to eat, that's all. I have been thrown in jail, I overdosed and apparently died, I just got out of the hospital today..." you gesture to your gown and hospital wristband. "And this asshole Detective I made punch me in the face so he'd have to let me out of jail seriously fucked up my car and then dropped an enormous deuce in the backseat! This young lady..." you turn to point to Wal-Mart girl, but she seems to have mysteriously disappeared, "she was kind enough to offer me some snatch, she thought I might feel better if I got my rocks off. I am SO sorry about what happened. It was not my intention to cum all over you fine folks, especially YOU good sir, I, uh, only meant to unload on her back but she moved... If it's any consolation, my wang feels like it's on fucking fire right now! If could go back and change things I would kick her out from under the table the second she started to blow me!"
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Swing and a miss. They are not swayed by your reasoning, and resume their Death March up the stairs. So this is how it's going to end. Beaten to extinction in a barroom brawl, wearing a hospital gown. They are almost to the top of the stairs when Wal-Mart girl reappears, holding her purse and digging around in it's contents frantically. She finds what she's looking for and pulls out a small revolver. *POW!*
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She's fired a round into the ceiling. "Everybody back the fuck up RIGHT NOW!" she screams. "Me and my man here are walking out the front door, and I swear to Satan I'll put a bullet between the eyes of anyone who tries to stop us!" She makes her way slowly to the door, keeping her gun pointed at the gentleman who received the complimentary facial, and you're right behind her, in a state of shock but grateful to still be all in one piece.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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